note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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