remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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