Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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