Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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