Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
