Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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