It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
