Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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