your thong is hanging out like whoa
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
