yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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