my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just googled if crying burns calories
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
