you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
