I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
