My room smells like vodka and shame
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize