she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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