if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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