there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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