People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize