I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
