You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
