My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize