Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
