you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
