I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
