Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
