At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
