Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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