I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
