Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize