Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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