dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize