bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
