Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
