He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
