she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
