My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
