so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
