I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
