I'm jealous of your bromance
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
