Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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