He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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