Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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