i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize