I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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