Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
