dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
