i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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