my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
