My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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