OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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