Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize