You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize