smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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