i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize