the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
