I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When are your genitals available?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
