She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
