also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
