It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
