Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize