i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
