i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I did not marry a roomba.
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