I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
