And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This gyro tastes like lonliness
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh god it's open bar.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
