I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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