Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
