dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
