I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
