My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
