She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
