ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
