i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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