The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
