DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
