I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
