I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
