is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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