So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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