next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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