I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
false alarm. still invincible.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
