even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
